Portrait of Sally with her Dad, by Emily Evans Sloan, 2017.

I often turn to photography to process complex feelings of loss and grief. Upon losing my beloved father, I began to take black and white photographs on hikes through Walnut Creek Park in Austin, Texas, where I live. I can only describe the images as something similar to crime scene landscapes in which someone goes missing: I was investigating the places in which he was hiding from me. Aside from the intense emotions of loss and abandonment I felt, I also ruminated over his struggle with alcoholism, he had been in recovery and was sober over 20 years before his death, and how that impacted relationships within the family. During his illness, I spoke to him every day, walking him through the process of his body slowly deteriorating. The images I captured in nature were dark and in strong contrast to his impact on my life. Dad was my closest ally, and I missed his silly sense of humor. 

Grocery Store Flowers is my response to my mother’s death and illustrates the dominance of the interior spaces my Mom curated over her lifetime. The work reflects the simplicity and beauty she found in the most mundane places. My mother had a sharp eye for everyday objects most people overlook. She underestimated her talents as a true artist, often channeling her creative energy into various efforts to redecorate our home during times of intense anxiety. This work examines a relationship I never had time to reflect upon with her. The titles of the work are extracted from her journal entries and documents the dates of her observations. They at times border on the mundane, but it gives the viewer glimpses into her intensity. This body of work represents the initial stages of my journey of a daughter attempting to understand her mother.  

The landscapes dedicated to my Dad, concluded like a period at the end of the sentence; it represented the closeness I had with him. This work, dedicated to Mom, has just begun to scratch the surface. It has become the vehicle for me to develop the relationship with her that eluded us when she was alive. The fabrics alone, are reminiscent of her knack to decorate a space with a precise coordination. She always could pick out the perfect sets of plates, find the best deals in nice furniture, and confidently wear the latest fashions. She had an unsurpassed style that I could only imagine aspiring to. I have also discovered her inner world was often mired in anxiety and fear. She felt she deserved more from her family, and I do not think we were close. This work transports me to sensibilities we always appreciated together and has drawn her to me in a very meaningful way. The simple beauty of a grocery store flower.

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Sally Tetzlaff (American, born in Grand Rapids, MI) received her BFA and departmental honors in Photography from Massachusettes College of Art. After receiving her MFA in Narrative Theology and Filmmaking from Andover Newton Theological School, she went on to pursue a career in the music and tech industry. She has lived in Austin, TX for the last twenty years and recently returned to the photographic medium after a brief hiatus.